Shithead [CENSORED]

The USOC has cautioned us against the expropriation of their intellectual property, causing this page to be altered.  For more information, see the Shithead Controversies page.


Like the original Olympic games, the Shithead [CENSORED] are a special way to give us a chance to literally come together as other countries. Through the Shithead Games we recognize the finest athletic achievement amongst us even as we adopt the perspectives of the nations we represent. Ultimately we are brought together in that spirit of competition, and reverence for those who master the competitive manipulation of shithead.

The rules of the Shithead [CENSORED]  are simple. An unlimited two person teams may enter. Each two-person team selects a country to represent (e.g. Jamaica, Netherlands, Afghanistan, and Nepal). There is an official Head Shithead who acts as scorekeeper and timer who runs the Shithead [CENSORED]  with precision, accuracy and fairness. During the Shithead [CENSORED], the Head Shithead will also be the final adjudicator of the event results, as well as discipline during the competition. The Head Shithead may disqualify individual festival participants and has, in rare instances, administrated disqualifications and substitutions mid-match. Individual contributions are not recorded or recognized, and awards will be given to teams for their joint performance.

  The Shithead [CENSORED]  quickly became a high-energy focal point in the Burning Shithead Festival. Festival participants truly whip themselves and each other into a fury, chanting "shithead stand, shithead stand…" and consuming enormous quantities of shithead. The shithead scene that ensues would make Greek [CENSORED]  participants proud, with burning shithead flying everywhere, beer soaked participants, and raging festive athletes grasping for an immediate shithead fix. Medal plaques are awarded to the competing teams.

But little can compare to the splendor and amazement of the opening ceremonies.


Rules and Description


Shithead Toss

Both players on a team see how many pieces of shithead they can throw into a hotel drawer from across the room within a thirty-second period. Contestants must remain in contact with the furniture (sit on their ass).


Shithead Stack

Individual shithead must be stacked upon one another by the team in one stack within a thirty-second period. The largest successful stack wins the events. Unlimited tries are possible by both team members.


Shithead Stack and Carry

Individual shithead must be stacked upon one another by the team in one stack.


Shithead Stand

Partners get thirty seconds to toss individual shithead onto the flat feet of their partner, who holds a handstand with feet extended directly upward. Barefoot or shoe catching techniques are acceptable. Teams choose which partner performs which role.


Shithead Distance Toss

Partners each get three tries at hurling a single piece of shithead in a particular direction. The farthest toss wins the event.


Shithead Spoon-Mouthtrap

One partner propels a single shithead at a time using a spoon into the mouth of the other partner for thirty seconds. The most shithead successfully propelled into the mouth of the partner wins this event. The shithead must be trapped successfully within the mouth without any aid or assistance from the hands.


Roll the Shithead

Roll the shithead to the end of the table. Three tries per contestant. The closest shithead without falling off wins.


Blindfolded Shithead Selection

Teams choose the green shithead without looking.


Chinese Shithead Torture

While standing, one partner drops pieces of shithead one at a time into the mouth of the other partner who is lying on the floor.


Shithead Tiremouthcatch

One partner throws individual pieces of shithead at the other partner while that partner reclines on the floor with their head positioned inside an automobile tire which we gather from out in the desert. The partner with their head in the tire must catch as many shithead as he/she can.

FlipFlop Shithead

Contestants drop a piece of shithead with one hand, then use a shoe held in the other hand to propel that piece of shithead over an obstacle.  Their partner attempts to catch that piece of shithead in a bucket.  The team which catches the most shithead within thirty seconds wins.

Note: The name, concept, title, and treatment of Shithead, Burning Shithead, and the Burning Shithead Festival are copyrighted material protected by federal copyright laws. Cereal companies may NOT in any way use the concept Shithead when referring to their products. The right to use or refer to the name, concept, title, and treatment of Shithead, Burning Shithead, and the Burning Shithead Festival may be licensed from No Fun Charlie Enterprises.